Live the change you want to see!

What you think, say or believe will never take the place of what you DO! I am learning to believe people when they show me who they are. I know that we as humans make mistakes. I know that we as humans have flaws in our personalities. I know that we as humans are prone to being human! I'm talking about our choices. I even know that we make bad choices, but we learn from them and the next time the opportunity rolls around you make a better choice. Isn't that how we teach ourselves? Isn't that how we govern ourselves? I'm not trying to be judgmental of anyone out there. I'm speaking directly to myself. I'm beginning a new life and I want the foundation that I'm laying for the construction of my life to be strong and lasting. I am digging deep inside of myself to see who I really am. Some things I like and some things I dislike. The good things I want to keep and the bad things I want to discard or change. This has not been an easy task. The last person we want to look at is ourselves. However, the first person we ought to look at is ourselves! I have always told Sam and Anthony that ultimately we are only responsible for our own selves. That's a big enough job to keep me busy!! As I am learning to believe people when they show me who they are I must keep in mind what I am showing others about myself. Here in lies one of the most important keys to life. It's not what I say...it's what I do! Everyone has heard the old cliche..."talk is cheap"! Well it has never been more true for me. I have been faced with choices that I thought I knew the answers to. I guess I'm being tested to see if I really mean what I say. I have to realize that I have not done wrong by being tempted. I do wrong when I make the choice to follow the temptation. This probably sounds very elementary to everyone else but that's where I am in my life presently. I have found that it is the seemingly insignificant choices that trip me up too!! I guess it only takes a small deviation in the road to cause you to trip and fall. I'd better watch my step! I saw a ring in the store the other day that I want to buy. It says "live the change you want to see". Sounds so simple but not!

Friendship

I couldn't sleep so I decided to get up and write instead of lay there with all of these thoughts tossing around in my head. I was, of course, thinking about all the changes that I have been experiencing over the past couple months. I have realized so much about myself...the good, the bad, and the ugly! I see so much more clearly than I have ever seen. It's funny how you r-e-a-l-l-y can't see the forest for the trees until you back away from it. I have let many relationships fall by the way side trying to save one. I don't regret trying to save my marriage. I regret the manner in which I tried to save it. I sacrificed time with others that love me and wanted to be a part of my life. I am sincerely regretting missed opportunities. I find myself grasping for friendship now. I don't want to be so desperate for friends that I loose focus of who I am and what I am about. I want the new relationships in my life to be complimentary of who I am striving to be. I don't want to exchange the things I know are real and fulfilling due to my neediness of friendship. I know I'm sounding kind of pathetic right now but I hope you are grasping the importance and depth of what I'm saying. Aren't we all looking for the same thing? Friendship is basically extended family right!? Everyone, I don't care who you are, is looking for companionship in one way or another. I think God put that in everyone expecting that we would handle that need with care and with the desire that it would lead us back to Him. He is the author of love and that's what he wants from us. Why do you think that desire is so innate to us? Because that's how we were created. I hope I have the strength to live by the standard that I know will bring me the most!