Get balanced and be decisive Christine!

I have several things going through my mind. The best way for me to unload my mind is one thought at a time. My first thought is about my niece Hannah. She has restored my faith in adolescence. I have enjoyed the time we have spent together. She genuinely makes me happy when we talk. I love her ideas and insight on the many topics we've discussed. She even got up at 5:30a.m. the other day to walk and talk with me and she is most definitely NOT a morning person but she was all smiles that day! She is so mature and thoughtful of others. I know where she has learned this, from her mom. Em is THE best single mom on the planet. Her selflessness has proven itself. What better proof is there than a twelve year old that knows how to be sensitive to the needs of others, diligent, content, intelligent and best of all, comical. I appreciate someone that is able to laugh at themselves when they do something silly.

The next thing on my mind is my yoga class. I LOOOOVE my yoga class. My instructor Jen is AA plus! She has really been encouraging me to become an instructor myself. Her words of encouragement have been paramount to my new found success over my emotional struggles. I told her this morning that I have a low self esteem and am not a leader. Her reply was that she never would have suspected I felt that way about myself. She said she has watched me with others and notices how I am always engaging others in conversation and I'm always positive and smiling. At that moment I remembered what Anthony said to me. He said mom, if you were never able to look into a mirror to see the color of your eyes you would have to trust those that saw them to describe what they look like. I have always felt that accepting compliments would make me look haughty or that they were only used to get something from me. I'm rearranging my thinking on that subject. I am going to start believing people when they tell me nice things about myself. It is my responsibility to not let it go to my head. About the instructor thing...I do have an interest but am fearful of failure or that I might loose my enthusiasm or that I can't physically endure. I presently feel like I don't have the mind set. I wonder if I don't need the mind set but rather will develop it along the way? On the other hand I know I'm the kind of person that takes responsibility very seriously. Once I have decided to commit to something I will give it every last part of me. I guess that's why I refuse to become involved with things because my commitment level is off the charts. You know, I just realized something. I am confusing commitment with responsibility. I can't be committed without being responsible but I can be responsible without being committed. I think I need some time to completely digest this.

Something I am practicing is not comparing myself to others. I have a terrible habit of sizing up other women and feeling inferior. They are prettier, thinner, smarter, more successful or whatever I can think of. I have realized where these thoughts come from and am doing everything in my power to snuff them out before they destroy me. Jen (my sister-in-law) said something very profound the other day on the flip side. We were discussing not comparing our weaknesses to others strengths and she said we also should not compare our strengths to others weaknesses. She is absolutely right! The one will make us feel inferior, the other will make us feel superior and neither position is healthy for ourselves or others. I am discovering that balance is the key to a wonderful life.